whywhywhy?
what happened to perfectfun.perfectspirit.perfect10.
nobody knows, and nobody wants to know. Disjointed music.
talking to beathongruoting. i think they're great. like the first few friends i really can have whom i don't feel the need to be a great leaders/role model with. compared to well, . She's great, and I'll always admire her, but I'll never be close to her. I know. And I'm always so afraid of losing her approval, so afraid i'm misinterpreting her silent spells, her cool walk, her VOICE ><.
thick eunice. slow eunice. stupid eunice. ifeel i'm going up against an immovable force. like ramming yourself into a wall, you know? And lately I've really been feeling very thick. and like....suicide?? so common. nobody will care if i commit suicide anw.
okay that's scary.
i just can't express myself coherently anymore. words just leave me. i can only look at something from a great distance and analyse, think, draw reflection.
I AM BURNING OUT. Losing the passion.
or maybe it was never there anyway.
i feel like crap one minute and then high the next. At the end of 2 minutes, I feel I'm moping about nothing. must stop being so loser. Teenage angst. Non-existent angst. there is no such thing as an "adolescent phase". yesyes.
Thank God for friends. And if I'm thanking Him for friends...doesn't that mean that I'm thanking Him as well? Indirectly? That was an assurance ><. I think my walk with God is leading nowhere. Stranded in the middle of the Sahara. And I can't believe I don't need His water here.
It's an emotional desert out there. With no water. Poor Be-a. She's having stomach cramps. Yes sing to God. Sing to him in the desert.
You, you [and your] make my life loads better. =). i <3 your.
Historymaker by Planetshakers.
eunice. xD. enormousy.
Eeeee. Zhiying this blogg is for your tagging pleasure ;). But you must find it first.
<33.
Yay :) I'm so, hmm, excited I'm in the board. But at the same time, it's so difficult to grasp. Like, one day I'm walking past the prefect's room without knowing anybody in it, and the next, I can peer in and ask about stuff. Can't grasp it.
I think our batch's enthusiasm is great :), but...our bond is missing. Our bond seems to be made up of sudden and heady excitement, instead of...trust and love for our batchmates. That's why I think we shouldn't commit ourselves to TOO much...YET. Until PIT camp. Until lots and lots of other things [undefined] which will be coming our way and which will question what our place in the board means to each of us. I know I should be HIGHHHH and excited. I will be. But inside I am trying, in all seriousness, to feel and create that bond, that common goal, which we will look to when there are troubles. But I <3 my batch. No mistake.
And SHE's confused ><. At 8pm on the MRT home. Sigh.
I'm happy to keep this blog private. It's my vanity. Looking at my own thoughts giggling to myself and knowing (i hope) nobody i know knows.(=
I succeded in irking rach! wheee. I'm so happy. And this is a shout-out [though i doubt those people will ever see this - my blog is blatantly uninteresting, you see]
Well, firstly the people who I lovelovelovelove [no suspicion of crushes, please]
1) Grace Lum - for being there for me always, though I'm afraid I haven't always been there for her. :)) I'll always <3 you Grace. For all that you did and are to me.
2) Rachel Chia. - You pokk. My chio mum. Okay I know you resent that. But strangely, your smile makes me high all the time. And you rockk [my world]. It's going to be fun on the board ;)
3) Lim ZHIING. - heyy patrol partner!!! I'll always treasure the duty-ing. haha and all the funny times we had [like when we groaned about our TIREDNESS, when your hair was tied into TWO PLEATS and when your shirt was torn :P]. Thanks for being HIGGHHHH when I was always low. :D You go!
4) Pua xiner [aka surfmouse] - hehh. Apart from you being sick of rach, I know we're going to have a GREAT time together on the board :)) shortie! -poke- I'm reallyreally looking forward to doing stuff with you. fellow mouse xD!
5) Clairee Li - MINI DYNAMITE!! [aka pookie xD] You rock, yes? Never be pissed [though i'll love you, pissed or not]You're a great leader. your nickname says it all. mini-dynamite :). And you MUST eat more okay? Slim pookie :) You're the thin pookie and I'm the fat kitty xD.
6) yuanny. - <3. no matter what. You've always been my voice of reason xD. yah. But I admire you for your decision. It ain't easy. And I'm sorry if I've hurt you, or appeared to be indifferent. cos I love you. I'll be there whether you need me or not. And don't worry about contributing to the school. Your qualities will shine through. Don't worry about it. you'll be cl :).
7) Pris. - My dear little rafflesian junior :). Make me proud! Do your best always. I'll always be here to give you anything you need.
Well, that's all there is. The journey that never ever ends. We'll never stop leading and helping others on their journey. We'll never stop growing and learning and striving to do our best during our journey. We'll always be together, hand in hand and side by side, on our journey. And I wanna be standing at the beginning with your =).IN OUR JOURNEY THAT NEVER EVER ENDS. That's what I hope our batch will realise. At the end of everything, we'll be on the board for each other.
<3,
eunice . xD.
//don't waste your time on me
You're already the SMILE inside my head
i miss you//
hey.
Just to clarify. i am not freaked out or anything about pit interviews. It's weird.
I think I took it lightly. LIke, it was over and normal again.
And I could move on with life too. It wasn't longgg and scarrryyy.
I'm not even worried over the results [hmm...not worried?? for me?]
yeah. that's all.
eunice. xD.
//don't waste your time on me
you're already the SMILE inside my head
i miss you//
diao.
Thanks a lot. You have made me smile without realising it.
I wonder why I am up at 6am on a Sunday morning waiting anxiously by the phone. Okay, I'm mad. Knew that long ago. My interview was screwed because I was smiling too much. Well, rach was smiling too.
The school was a literal battlefield yesterday. For me. Running all over the place, peering behind pillars, covering the length of the carpark, surveying the foyer xD.
Okay. I'm immature. Knew that too.
I'll feel weird if I do become one. I feel I'm not worthy. Especially after today's saga. And knowing that others find it so difficult just to say no. And that they're disappointed in themselves. I'm disappointed with myself for only thinking of something worth saying after I speak. The opportunities are over.
I'm concentrating on the future [a tieless one]. I hope.
eunice. xD
[hellothere.theangelfrommynightmare.imissyou.]
that has got to be my favourite song. all thanks to rachia i mooch around listening to it all day inside my head. who needs an ipod when i have an internal one? [complete with added pitch discrepancies]
interviews.today is a day i wanna have over and over and over again. discipline and focus. i feel so irresponsible.i was having a conv with my mum. about the interviews. attitude vs ability. i mean, wy and pris? dad and tg? but i guess she's right. i must learn and grow. grow. grow. I seriously don't know about joining the board. What is my problem, i say. Trying to break down false fronts, getting all exposed. THEN i get all hurt again. I lose confidence and get all awkward. But I want to step into Room 1 without caring at all about what four tired faces feel. It's all there. In 'flour '05. These memories are playing like a film without sound. A very short film at that. It leaves you with a marked mind and a twisted heart. Really twisted. Like squeezed and crushed and put through the shredder. Please stop this pain tonight. It's gonna be a long one. without YOUR. Oh but don't worry. We'll be there at the beginning. Together. T2 sls, please send me your pix of us [if you EVER come across this. Highly doubt so]. I think I'll mooch around in school with Yuanny tomorrow. If I even feel up to mooching.<3 ALL OF YOUR. EVERY SINGLE ITTY-BITTY ONE OF YOU.
this is eunice. hear me cry.
Don't waste your time on me
you're already the SMILE inside my head.
i miss you.
partings
oh mann. my html sucks lah. xD.and rach, this blog is the fruit of writing too many emails to you. it is called a PUBLIC RANT. and sl outing. i missed so much. nothing to do about it. ><Interesting conv with zach abt her. hehh. i shall post it. :zach marijuana mix and i don't rig cards says:
face only
zach marijuana mix and i don't rig cards says:
rate what
zach marijuana mix and i don't rig cards says:
what kind of chioness
[i've never been so afraid of being so alone.] sitting here watching you in the corner of my eye.(( priceless. says:
face
zach marijuana mix and i don't rig cards says:
give me a yardstick
[i've never been so afraid of being so alone.] sitting here watching you in the corner of my eye.(( priceless. says:
10
zach marijuana mix and i don't rig cards says:
10 being?
zach marijuana mix and i don't rig cards says:
errrr
zach marijuana mix and i don't rig cards says:
6.5
zach marijuana mix and i don't rig cards says:
normal singaporean female
zach marijuana mix and i don't rig cards says:
what where you expecting?
zach marijuana mix and i don't rig cards says:
11/10?
[i've never been so afraid of being so alone.] sitting here watching you in the corner of my eye.(( priceless. says:
WHAT
[i've never been so afraid of being so alone.] sitting here watching you in the corner of my eye.(( priceless. says:
no
zach marijuana mix and i don't rig cards says:
average lor
zach marijuana mix and i don't rig cards says:
extra 0.5 for the smile
zach marijuana mix and i don't rig cards says:
xDsee mum. you must SMILE. xDLaterrr.
